Sunday, September 30, 2012

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Rain is my favorite. Although, I can't very well explain why. I love the smell, obviously, it's heavenly. I love the way the world looks. Clean. Dark. Perfected. Unreal. I wish the world looks like it does after rain all the time. I love the mood rain puts me in. I don't know why. Most people say it depresses them. Maybe it makes me depressed, too. But I just love it so much. Rain is my favorite.

Sleeping is my favorite. Everyone loves sleeping. 

The Fray. Maroon 5. Imagine Dragons. Paramore. U2. Coldplay. These are some of my favorites. Music is my therapy. I feel so lucky to have music in my life. I feel lucky to be able to produce music, through my fingers. Playing the piano is incredibly soothing to me. It calms me down. Helps me get through some things. When I'm having a bad day, or just I am stressed or need to do something, I play.

Being myself. Being at a dance party or concert where there is billions of people and I'm just going insane not caring what anyone thinks of me. That is one of my favorite feelings.

My favorite thing to do? Depends. I love running around. Dancing. Playing. Being myself. Partying. Chillin. Singing. Swimming. Being with my friends. Being with you. Eating. Sleeping. Trying new things. I could go on forever and ever writing all that I love to do.

Love. Feeling loved. Knowing love. Being in love. That is my favorite.

Thoughts of a Typical Teenager

I'm hungry.
I'm tired.
It's only monday!?
Is class over yet?
Friday needs to be here. Like now.
There's a test today? Well I'm screwed.
"Hand in your homework."-Teacher. "Ha. It's funny you think I did my homework."-Me.
Christmas break anyone?
I can't wait to get away from this place.
I'm graduating...
What am I gonna do with my life?
I'm too young.
I don't wanna grow up.
I want to fall in love.
That boy is so cute.
His girlfriend is so lucky.
"Did you hear they broke up?" "What!?? He's available?! DIBS!"
Study group? Yeah, just an excuse to hang out.
I try to keep my standards high.
I'm never good enough.
I've made so many mistakes.
I have too m any regrets. More than I can count. Yet, I still have my whole life ahead of me.
I'm trying.
I don't open up to anyone.
I have so many secrets.
I don't know how to turn my thoughts into words. So I don't.
I hate hearing these words, "Talk to me. You can trust me. I'm here for you."
Cause I know to never trust anyone. When someone tells me they're there for me, I know they're not. I know they just say that for their own personal benefit. So they can justify what they do and how they act. Why would you tell me you're here for me? Why would you lie to me like that? Get my hopes up, just to shoot them down. Why is it when i needed you most, you weren't there?
I hate fake people.
I don't trust promises.
I set my expectations low. Cause if I have high expectations, I know I'll just wind up getting my heart broken and being disappointed. Again.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Dear Summer, won't you please come back?


I’m gonna write about why I love summer.


I love summer mornings. I tend to not sleep well at night, so I absolutely love sleeping in.
I love BBQs. And fireworks. Everything like that just reminds me of fun nights, just partying, and living.
Summer is for vacations. Theme parks. The beach.
Bike rides.
Night runs. Morning runs.
Staying up late.
Being with friends.
Swimming. Tanning. Water fights. Playing. All day long.
Driving with all the windows down, blasting some party music.
Parties. Late nights. Stargazing. Staying out all night long.
Reading.
Boating. Popsicles.
Summer romances.
Shorts. Tank tops. No shoes.
NO HOMEWORK!
Summer is about not having a care in the world.
Just doing what you want.
Being lazy.
Camping. Whatever. Just chillin.
Bonfires. Road trips. Water parks.


Summer needs to come back. Well, actually it just needs to be longer.
School is important, I know that.
It just needs to be shorter, that is all.
Summer is so relaxing and a major stress-reliever.
I feel like everyone can agree that summer needs to be longer. 

I'm Afraid.


I am afraid.
I am afraid of humans.
What we do.
What we can do.
How we think.
What we say.
How we don’t think.
All that we don’t say…

I am afraid of losing. Losing what?
Family. Love. Friends. Trust. Myself.
I am afraid of winning.

I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of reaching my full potential. I’m afraid of all that I am capable of doing. To myself. And to others.

I am afraid of my own mind.
I have so much power. So much going on. When I am all-alone and I sit around and think. About my past. My present. And my future…
 I go crazy.

I am afraid of going crazy.

I’m
afraid
of
doing
 something
stupid
that
could
ruin
my
 life.

I am afraid of the world. So much evil overpowering the good.
I am afraid.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Love

How do you know if you're in love? I've been told that I'll just know when I am in love.
But how would I just know? It's impossible to me. Love is impossible.

I apologize. This post is going to be very hard to read and follow. My mind is just all over the place tonight.

One thing I do know, I know love is sacrifice. Putting others first, before yourself. Make those who you love a priority.Whether it be a member of your family, a friend, or that special boy or girl, putting their needs and happiness before your own, now that is love.

For example, I know my dad would do anything for me. He loves me so much. More than I could ever know. He really would do anything for me. He does everything to keep me safe. All those times I've felt like I'm being suffocated by his rules, I now know it is him caring enough about me to help keep me safe and on the right track to doing the right things. I'm so lucky to have such a loving, caring, sacrificing father.

Love is taking chances. Sacrificing everything. Risking everything. 

Love is making mistakes.

Love is messing up.

Love is forgiveness. Love is to forgive, but to never, ever, forget. 

These three things are very important. Making mistakes, messing up, forgiving. All play an important role in love. If a mistake is made, move past it. Forgive.

{Keep in mind to never forget.}

(Once again, so sorry this is all over the place). Never forget what you've learned.

                                            Sometimes, mistakes make the best memories.

Love is a thunderstorm. Random. Crazy. Scary. Dangerous.
                     
                                        Yet, at the same time, incredibly beautiful.

Life.


Life. Has its good and bad times.

This is probably going to suck to read because it is way unorganized and my thoughts are just everywhere. But whatever.

These are a few little perks of life. I’ve just been thinking about some of the good things about life. This is not anywhere near listing every single good aspect about life, just a few I’ve thought about today.

Passing class. Vacationing. Falling in love. Family. Friends. Getting along. Being happy. Making memories. Taking life not seriously enough. Making mistakes, and learning from them. The little things. Moving on. Music. Going crazy. Just whatevering. Realizing what you have and being grateful for it. Standing up for yourself. Being yourself. Having a good attitude.

Life has its bad times too. Life is a rollercoaster. It has its ups and downs. But you learn to enjoy the ride.

Being grounded. Getting in trouble. Falling out of love. Doing stupid things. Taking life too seriously. Making mistakes. Not knowing what you got until its gone. Holding on to what hurts. “Let go of what hurts and make room for what feels good.” Taking advantage. Memories. Having a bad attitude.

If you have noticed, some of the things listed are the same in both the good and bad parts. Life has its good and bad times. All just depends on how you look at it.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

New Experiences...

Your first day of school.

First dance recital.

Learning how to drive.

Your first kiss.

Your first crash.

Starting a new job.


No matter who you are, you've experienced something new.

For me, new experiences make me extremely nervous. Although, I tend to get nervous quite easily, trying new things makes it even worse. I hate it. Even if I am really confident in myself, that still won't calm my nerves. I feel like sometimes being nervous is an incredibly good thing.
In some ways, it gives me an adrenaline rush. 

It's a good feeling.

Humans.


Individually, we as humans are so complex in how we think, how we act, and how we react to every situation of life.


For example, although you may think you know your best friend inside and out, backwards and forwards, things will happen that will completely take you by surprise.


You have the ability to hurt someones feelings, by seemingly, no fault of your own. I believe that everyone is a lot more sensitive than they choose to portray. Because being sensitive will ruin the image you've put so much effort into building up.


One thing i don't get is how we as humans can be so judgmental. We know for a fact that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. People, especially around this area, will judge you.
On anything. People will start rumors about you. And basically, people make your life miserable.
Honestly though, everybody needs to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about them. I know that at this time in our high school years, how everyone sees and views us is, for some unknown reason, incredibly important to us. Everyone needs to stop having that mindset, and just live.