Lost In Paris

Honestly, the reason I came to Paris was mainly because I heard it was a fun class, and easy... It has been extremely fun, and unmistakably fairly easy. I've loved it. Even though at the beginning, when I first landed here in Paris, I would get anxiety walking out onto the streets, in fear of getting singled out, hoping that wouldn't happen, but somehow it always ended up that way...Oh well.

I've always known that I love to write, but I've always felt like I've never been good at it, and that it's pointless for me to even try.

Coming to paris has changed that thought. Paris has allowed me to let myself be be more free, to actually express myself through writing, rather than just putting pointless words on a page about the drama concerning everyday life. Even though Paris has taught me that that is actually a very creative, and indie sorta thing to do.

Paris was where I learned how truly creative I can be. I have always thought that I'm not creative, and I never have been...I'm still not, but now I just feel like I have more potential to be creative, and go out of my comfort zone to create something extraordinary.

I'm ever so grateful that I got to experience Paris. It's been a nice break from everything else of the normal life.

It makes me depressed to think I only have a number of days left here...

I can't help but wonder what Paris can do for me later on...

More and more poems..

I'm kidding. I couldn't pick just 3, sooo I'm writing 3 more poems, from the same book.

Listen To the Mustn’ts

Listen to the MUSTN’TS, child,

Listen to the DON’TS,

Listen to the SHOULDN’TS

The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON’TS

Listen to the NEVER HAVES

Then listen to me-

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be.

This starts out giving the child all these negative thoughts. But in the end, the child is filled with hope. I love this.

Hug O’ War

I will not play at tug o’ war.

I’d rather play at hug ‘ war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins.

hehehe I love hugs.

The Search

I went to find the pot of gold

That’s waiting where the rainbow ends.

I searched and searched and searched and searched

And searched and searched, and then-

There it was, deep in the grass,

Under an old and twisty bough.

It’s mine, it’s mine, it’s mine at last. . . .

What do I search for now?

This poem to me is about growing up. When you're little, you are fascinated by things things that are only temporary. When it's over, you just don't know what to do anymore. Well I don't know, that's just how I've personally felt...

3 Poems

I couldn't decide on which poem I liked the most. 

So I'm writing 3, from Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein.

Shadow Wash

I’ve never washed my shadow out

In all the time I’ve had it.

It was absolutely filthy I supposed,

And so today I peeled it off

The wall where it was leaning

And stuck it in the washtub

With the clothes.

I put in the soap and bleach and stuff,

I let it soak for hours,

I wrung it out an hung it out to dry,

And whoever would have thunk

That is would have gone and shrunk

For now it’s so much

Littler than I.

I really like this poem. This poem is telling me to put away my past...to wash it out of my mind and memory, it doesn't matter anymore. My present and future are so much greater and brighter than my past. 

Tree House

A tree house, a free house,

A secret you and me house,

A high up in the leafy branches

Cozy as can be house.

A street house, a neat house,

Be sure to wipe your feet house

Is not my kind of house at all-

Let’s go live in a tree house.

I just think this is cute. "A secret you and me house"... yes.

No Difference

Small as a peanut,

Big as a giant,

We’re all the same size

When we turn off the light.

Rich as a sultan,

Poor as a mite,

We’re all worth the same

When we turn off the light.

Red, black or orange,

Yellow or white,

We all look the same

When we turn off the light.

So maybe the way

To make everything right

Is for God to just reach out

And turn off the light!

I don't know if it's because today is Sunday and I went to church today, but God really did create all of us, we're all different, but He created us equally. 

I'm Trying

It’s sorta funny how fast life moves.

Who am I kidding? It’s not funny at all. It’s scary.

One day I’m as happy as can be. The next, I break down crying...in my closet, of all places.
I can't help but wish I was crying with you next to me. With you holding me.
You make everything better.

I have got to keep in mind that nothing is lost forever.

My paradise is you.

You’re perfect to me.

I just want to hold you close to me. Always. All day, everyday.

Hold you, and never let you go. 

I want to kiss your lips.
I want to tell you, and remind you everyday, how much I love you...regardless of what Nelson says.
I want to stay with you.
And I want you to want to stay with me.

I’m afraid...
Of myself.

Of the possibilities.

Of life.

Of the chances…
I fear they’re against me.

Life gets in the way. Growing up is a part of life. I know we will grow up. We’ll separate. We’ll move on. We’ll all change. For the better. Or worse. Whatever.

Life is scary. I feel so little. Hopeless. Vulnerable.

I just need you to know I’m trying.

I’m afraid of the zombie girl crawling out of my TV.

Untitled.

It is hard.

Sometimes, people will come up to me and say,

 “I’m sorry”

And I just stand there.
Staring.

Cause I can’t say,

“It’s okay”

Cause it’s not.

All By Myself.

Remember When...

Forever and Always

Parachute

~Forever and Always~

A few of my favorite lines from the song:

(sorry for the repeats)

They talk about the kids they’re gonna have and the good life

The house on the hillside, where they would stay

Stay there forever, forever and always

Through the good and the bad and the ugly

“We’ll grow old together, and always remember

Whether rich of for poor or for better

We’ll still love each other, forever and always”

She looks into his eyes, and she says

“I want you forever, forever and always

Through the good the bad and the ugly

We’ll grow old together, and always remember

Whether happy or sad or whatever

We’ll still love each other, forever and always

Forever and always, forever and always”

As he says, “I love you forever, forever and always

Please just remember even if I’m not there

I’ll always love you, forever and always. “

I love this song. It’s so heartbreakingly romantic and I just can’t get over it.

This song clearly gives off the message that bad things do come up. 

Things get in the way.

Life happens… 

But with love we can make it through anything.

How To Love

Cut the music up, little louder
yeah
You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out

How to love

How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you're in a corner tryna put it together

How to love

How to love

For a second you were here
Now you over there
It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Never had a love

When you was just a youngin' your looks were so precious
But now your grown up
So fly it's like a blessing but you can't have a man look at you for five seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself, so when you got older
It's seems like you came back ten times over
Now you're sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulders
See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out

How to love

How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you're in this corner tryna put it together

How to love

How to love

For a second you were here
Now you over there
It's hard not to stare the way you moving your body
Like you never had a love
Had a love
Oh, you had a lot of dreams that transformed to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn't your fault
Wasn't in your intentions
To be the one here talking to me
Be the one listenin'
But I admire your popping bottles and dippin'
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don't be mad
Nobody else tripping
You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook
See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out

How to love

How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together

How to love

How to love

Oh,
See I just want you to know
That you deserve the best
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
Yeah
And I want you to know, you're far from the usual
Far from the usual
You see you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out

How to love

How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together

How to love

How to love

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out

How to love

How to love

Yeah, see you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together

How to love

How to love,

 mmmm.

words

I just want to be inspired.

the chance to

 create love

6 Word Memoirs:

One long train ride to darkness.

 I hope to outlive my regrets.

I couldn't protect me from myself.

I will never be quite finished.

Everything is never as it seems.

I feel safe when you lie.

Kiss me and smile for me.

Sweet dreams ( are made of this ).

You can do better than me.

Please take me away from here.

Do something before it's too late.

You are a thief of joy.

Remember all the things we wanted?

After all, tomorrow is another day.

It's all going according to plan.

Found true love, married someone else.

I just want to be inspired.

Still trying to impress my dad.

I've never told anyone that before.

You want something, go get it. 

My life's a bunch of almosts.

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Beautiful

Try and tell me this is not beautiful:

I dare you.

Snow is gorgeous. It makes everything look better. Fresh. Clean. Perfected.

I love it.

I can't wait for blizzards and everything just covered in white.

So excited. 

You Have No Idea How Much I Remember.

I remember riding my “big girl bike” for the first time. I crashed into the rose bushes and cut my legs. I remember turning around to see my aunt running towards me, trying to cover up her laughter to save me from more embarrassment.

I remember going to see The Nutcracker with my dad every Christmas season. We would go on a daddy/daughter date. Spaghetti Factory then the ballet. I remember how much I loved it. I remember the first year we didn’t go. I remember I asked why. I remember asking if we could go this year. And the next year. Never getting a direct yes. I remember how happy and young I felt when I was showed the 2 tickets for December 22^nd 2012.

I remember going to my first midnight premiere. And going to more and more after that.

I remember my first all-nighter.

I Remember.

I remember going to San Diego with my dad in the 5^th grade. I remember he took me there because I was obsessed with dolphins so he took me to sea world and I got to swim with the dolphins. I remember my dad would do anything for me.

I remember breaking my foot and feeling so embarrassed going through school on crutches and having to use the elevator in the scary 9^th grade hall.

I remember only wanting to be with you.

I remember being scared. I remember being nervous. I remember looking back and missing those days. I remember loving where I’m at right now though.

You have no idea how much I remember.

I remember how lucky I am everyday.

I remember how this all just fits.

I remember losing almost everything.

I remember.

I remember mY mistakes. My feelings. My emOtions. My regrets. My ThoUghts.

I remember everything I am never going to be able to forget.

{E.V.E.R}

I remember when I was close to death. I remember not giving up. I remember wanting to.

I remember how you always know what to say. I remember that feeling I got when you told me you couldn’t live without me. That you would never leave me. That you need me. That you love me. And you always will. How happy I make you. How I saved you. How you don’t know where you’d be without me. That I’m perfect. And when you tell me I am the best girl ever.  And how beautiful I am. And amazing. When you say I am the best thing that has ever happened to you. When you say I have no idea.

You have no idea how much I remember.

I remember closing my eyes and only wanting needing you.

I remember having bad days and only wanting you here with me. I remember you helping me so much.  I remember how you'll never realize how much you mean to me. I remember how selfless you are. 

I will always remember you.

I remember scaring others. I remember being scared myself.

I remember losing everything.

I remember moving on.

I remember trying to hold myself together. I remember trying not to fall apart. 

Why am I so scared all the time?

Halloween. Where everyone dresses up as someone they’re not. Why do we do this? It’s fun to be different for a change.

Freakin change.

Why?

…

I miss those days when I got so excited to dress up. I always put so much thought into what I was gong be and I was so happy to go trick or treating with my dad and brothers. And eating all my candy and feeling so sick to my stomach.

I miss being little.

Life is scaring me. I’m only 17 yet I feel like I’ve been under so much pressure for so long and one day soon all my feelings are just going to explode. I’m scared. I’m scared to grow up. I’m scared of losing…

I’m a pretty positive person. But when it comes to liiiike, life, I’m pretty pessimistic. I don’t know why.

Halloween is a fantastic holiday. 

One Word

USA. Dragons. Joker. Cookies.  End.  Good. Inspire

Unbelievable. Happiness. You. How? Believe. Enchanted. 

Beautiful. #SWAG. Coffee. Ours. Falling. Hitting. Screaming.

 Silently. Simple. Incredibly. Irrevocably. Undying. Long. Forever.

Sorry. Wait. Say. Stay. May. Way. Hey. Hay. Late. Apologize. Mine. 

 Shot. Chance. Heart. Beat. Fire. Nothing. Changing. Lifing. Me. Here.

 How? Big bird. What? Orange. Stripes. Infinity. Math. Sucks. Ew. Hate.

 Passion. Stupid. Mistake. Why? School. Clear. Crystal. Sparkling. Gorgeous.

Understanding. Crooked. Evil. Scary. Scars. Denial. Regret. Depressed. Individuality.

Low. Proposal. Perfect. Luckily. Me. Unforgivable. Realization. Harmful. Unforgettable. 

Sleep. Sand. Childhood. Movies. Powerpuff girls. Cartoons. Ice cream. Sleepovers.. Pokemon. Fighting. Walking. Climbing. Running. Riding. Bad. Alright. Hard. Anything. Everything. Changed…

Free Post

School sucks.

End of term sucks.

I'm stressed.

I hate being stressed.

Being stressed makes me in a bad mood.

I hate being in a bad mood.

It sucks.

End of term sucks.

School sucks.

Sorry.

Live. That's an Order

“Rock out like… dancing is all you have to know who you are.”                           -Anis Mojgani

That quote doesn’t really relate to this post but I just really love it so I had to add it in.

You’ve been a direct order to do what you want.

Whatever you want.

Anything…

At all.

Mindset:  no one is watching you. No one is judging you. 

Live.

Life is too short to hesitate.

Live.

Like good ole’ Tim McGraw says, Live Like You Were Dying. 

...Yup. Do just that.

The Frayyy

So I'm just really obsessed with The Fray and I just found this cover of Kanye West's Heartless and I'm so in love with it.

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever toldSomewhere far along this road he lost his soulTo a woman so heartlessHow could you be so heartless?How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so cold?As the winter wind when it breeze yoJust remember that you talkin' to me thoughYou need to watch the way you talkin' to me though
I mean after all the things that we've been throughI mean after all the things we got intoHey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told meHey yo, I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show meSo you walk around like you don't know meYou got a new friend, well I got homiesBut in the end it's still so lonely
How could be so Dr. Evil?You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't knowI decided we wasn't goin' speak soWhy we up 3 a.m. on the phone?
Why does she be so mad at me for?Homie, I don't know, she's hot and coldI won't stop, won't mess my groove up'Cause I already know how this thing go
You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' meThey say that they don't see what you see in meYou wait a couple months then you gon' seeYou'll never find nobody better than me
Talkin', talkin', talkin' talkBaby let's just knock it offThey don't know what we been throughThey don't know 'bout me and you
So I got somethin' new to seeAnd you just gon' keep hatin' meAnd we just gon' be enemies
I know you can't believeI could just leave it wrongAnd you can't make it rightI'm gon' take off tonightInto the night
In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever toldSomewhere far along this road he lost his soulTo a woman so heartlessHow could you be so heartless?How could you be so heartless?

Duct Tape

Duct tape cannot fix a lot of things. The things that truly matter in life...

It can't fix America.

It can't fix the World Trade Centers.

Duct tape can't fix war.

It can't fix child abuse.

It can't fix a broken marriage.

Duct tape can't fix brain damage. 

It can't fix the National Debt.

It can't fix stop kidnapping. 

Duct tape can't fix mistakes.

It can't fix my own mistakes.

It can't fix life.

Duct tape can't fix my life.

It can't fix my mind.

It can't fix a broken heart.

Duct tape can't fix love.

Duct tape cannot fix the past.

Why?

Why?

Why?
Why are we created just to die?
Why are our loved ones so cruelly taken away from us?
Why?
Why are we put through the heartache?
Supposedly we are strong enough to get through anything that is brought up before us.
Why, then, is it so hard at times?
If we are so capable of getting through trials, if we are never put through anything we can't handle...
How do so many of us resort to suicide?
Whatever it is we are going through, we have been told that we are able to handle it.

We've been told there is nothing given to us we can't handle.

Why do we give up?

Please don't give up. . .

Please.